Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Why I bake

What do I do after a long day of work and hour long Zumba class?

I bake. I'd wanted to bake since Monday, but with so much to do at work, I just didn't find the time. But sooner or later I have to scratch that baking itch.

I'm not sure why baking calms me so much. Maybe it's all the measuring or the steps you must do in order. The obvious bonuses are the smell wafting through my apartment and it's contents in my belly.

Have you ever had a mouthful of flour? When I was little, my church would have picnics and have relay races. One relay had two adults holding plates of flour with candy hidden in it. You had to race with another kid, with your hands tied behind your back and "find" the candy with your mouth. It was disgusting. I, of course, tried a few times and gave up, gagging.

But in baking you need that flour, baking soda, salt, oil, etc. in addition to sugar to make cookies or cakes or muffins. It's the sweet and the bitter that come together to make something wonderful.

I'm reminded that in life you won't always have 'sweet' days.  But maybe you need the bitter sometimes to make something better.

So bring it on, week. You are almost over.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Don't despise your dark days

Linger conference 2014 was great.
My friend and I signed up a couple of months ago for this revival at Watermark Church. I didn't know much about it, but I figured I would give it a try. The conference was held on Valentine's Day weekend, and me being single I knew I wouldn't have any plans.

Fast forward to Friday afternoon. I hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before and only had four hours of sleep (my fault). I knew the kids would be crazy because they were so excited about enrichment and their Valentine's Day party. So I knew. But that didn't help me be patient.
I was tired..
I. Was. Cranky.
Everything they did grated on my nerves. I barely made it through the day and all I wanted to do was go home and take a long nap.

I almost considered skipping the conference but God had a different plan. It was the stop I needed.
JP made an analogy to how olympians train for the Olympics. They train hard, all day. Their goal is gold, they visualize it in their mind and push their body to the limit. He talked to one snowboarder who trains half day on ice, and half on land. He calculates every meal, every workout, and even trains by racing someone on a bike for 600 miles on roller skates. He does this 6 days a week. And when asked what he does on the 7th day, he says nothing. Absolutely nothing. He props up his legs and sits and rests.

The worst thing you can do is overtrain. When you do that, you can only reach 70% of your body's potential. We were made to rest.

I've been tired, physically and mentally because I am not stopping; not lingering. And I've been trying to help others, but how can I do that when I can't even help myself?

Being a Christian doesn't mean my days are easier. I have dark days. I just have the tools necessary to better equip myself if only I am willing to pick them up.

Don't despise your dark days. Consider it all joy. Through your tears, your pain.

John Piper:

We accept  the hand we're dealt because we know the one who deals. And he never deals a bad hand. Ever.

I need to linger in his presence. Give my time, meditate on his word, which I haven't been doing.
That's why all these doubts and trouble have been creeping in. I've been trying to trust myself and do things on my own. But God's worst is better than my good enough.

I'm so thankful for this conference. Can't wait for next year!

Friday, February 7, 2014

January happenings

My last post was a bit wordy, so I will make this post all about the pictures!

At school:

 Melting snowmen stories made with their reading buddies! 
Thanks Happy for doing this when I was out sick! They turned out so cute!

                                     I always have this for when I am out. These are my favorite.

Just Dance Kids: Indoor recess exercise

My kids showing off their moves!
We've had to do a lot of Just Dance Kids lately because of the cold.
Thanks for the idea Kristin! Although, I will never play 'What does the fox say' ever again. So creepy!

I love teaching them about Synonym Rolls!
I don't like messing up saying cinnamon and synonym. My kids kept laughing at me.

Fun/stressful times:
I love painting, but it was slightly stressful because I am an A-type and everything must be perfect.
I need to learn to just enjoy things.

This post wouldn't be complete without food pictures! We started enrichment clusters at school and I chose to do ACM Foodies where kids can learn about different careers in food and make nutritious recipes and critic food! Joanna helped find a speaker for me, a culinary student at Le Cordon Bleu! Thanks for coming Allie!

Allie, showing one of my favorite baking tools. 

She let all the kids take turns stirring. 

And finally:


I'm not sure when this obsession with waffles will stop. My body is not appreciating it at all.

Snow Day!


Thanks to adrenaline, I am wide awake. It's Friday and it's a snow day. Report cards are due soon. So the logical thing to do would be to grade my mountains of papers. But I blog instead.

My goal this year was to really become who I am by being open to new things and it has been tough. Because as you get older, you are so set in your ways. Change? Why change? It's scary. Unpredictable. 
I'm the worst when it comes to it. And yet that same stubbornness that keeps me from changing is nudging me toward the goal I had set out for myself this year. I can't give up. 

Personally I feel like I've been so negative and down. And that's when I try to think about what I should be grateful for. So here I go:

My parents: I am the most blessed when it comes to parents. No matter what, I know they are here for me. They worry, nag, and bother me with ridiculous requests. They still buy me water so I don't die. 
Like most Korean children with the stereotypical parents, I used to wish they would express their love more. But they show it in a different way. They would give up everything for me, if it was to better me. They've already sacrificed so much. That's love.

My faith: Who am I, that God calls me his own? It's not deserved, and I forget all the time how much God loves me. Sometimes it's a hard road to walk, but I know the reward will be that much greater. 

My health: Being sick stinks. But it does put things in perspective and let's you appreciate your health. And getting older makes you think about it even more. I get random aches all the time now. I think I sprained my thumb from too much texting... Or candy crush. 
My migraines are more frequent and I missed 2 days of school from the flu this year, which never happened before. So waking up without something hurting is definitely a blessing.

My friends: The family you choose. Or perhaps not. Sometimes it makes me sad when I think about the friends I had when I was little who are no longer my friends. 
So that makes me that much more grateful for the ones I have. They accept my crazy, nonsensical thoughts. They bring me soup when I'm sick and pray for me. They worry and nag like my parents. And encourage me and just make life better. 

My job/my kids: As much as I complain about work, I am thankful to be a teacher. As under appreciated as we are by some, I know my job isn't just a job, but a catalyst. If I can affect even one child, I know they in turn will affect others. That's why I keep going. After all the pressure and responsibility of getting students to where they need to be. From parent emails to meetings, behavior issues and yes, those dreading papers to grade. I accept it because, well, I have to. But I teach because I am meant to. It brings me joy to see them learning something and enjoying it (and not falling asleep).

My friends at work keep me sane (sometimes..or else their crazy rubs off on me) and accept my shortcomings. I work with the best of the best , which I want to be.

And my kids. Oh, those children. Sometimes they make me want to scream and pull my hair out. They bother me, cough on me, and I think one even spit on me (an accident, I hope). 
They've fallen asleep during my "boring" lessons and expect me to clean their messes (but like I've taught my kids, I am NOT their maid!).  They still complain sometimes. I can repeat the same directions 10 times or answer a question and they raise their hand and ask the SAME question.
But they're kids. I really do forget that because I treat them like little adults sometimes. I am so hard on them, and yet they still love me. I yell and they hug me at the end of the day. They make me laugh and say ridiculous, funny things that give me material for Facebook posts. Even as I write this in the warm comfort of my apartment and liking the fact that I don't have to wear real clothes and just a shirt and striped leggings, I miss them. Who hates hearing they're the best? And it's fun to communicate by just looking at them. Sometimes they will surprise you by what they know and have learned or what they accomplish in one day.
Sometimes they actually learn what I try to teach them.

One day I made a mistake on the board, and one of my students said, "Are you making a lot of mistakes today?" (Apparently it wasn't my first mistake that day). I was about to say my usual,  "Teachers make mistakes, too." But then he said, "It's okay. Teachers can mess up too."

And I hope beyond academics I am teaching them how to be a good person. To make mistakes and learn from them, but also accept that we will mess up sometimes. I want them to know, they can try again.

There are countless other things I am grateful for that I cannot all type out.
Now I'm going to enjoy this unexpected day off!