This past week has been a dramatic shift from what we know as normal; things like eating out or traveling have become cautionary or even prohibited. Our new normal now is grocery shopping for essentials only and keeping at least 6 feet away from each other.
This is my spring break, but honestly it's been hard to enjoy. I've tried to clean, bake, and craft the uneasiness away, but thoughts turn to worries about my old parents getting sick. Of not finishing this school year with my kids. I try to avoid social media and the news, but my worries and fears bring me back.
With this viral outbreak also came the stories of racism and xenophobia. Asians that have been hit, harassed, and made into memes for a laugh. As an Asian American I can't help but feel sad and angry; how can people be so ignorant? It's hard for me to understand how people can act like that toward another human being.
Being a teacher, I know the unique responsibility I have to my students. I have a unique perspective to show them how to treat people, regardless of race. A few years ago, I started doing end of year research projects for them to study a country. I'm Korean, but I was born in the states, so I wanted to learn more about South Korea too. So every year, I have them research South Korea. We pick topics to research and I divide them into groups and they take it from there. They show what they learned by making a product; a poster, diorama, powerpoint, etc.
I'm always amazed at how much they learn and how excited they get. I get Korean snacks for them to try and at the end of their presentations, we have a Korean celebration. I've had kids dress up in Korean traditional clothing, play Korean music, and learn to write in Korean. It makes my heart so happy because they really embrace it; maybe because I'm Korean, or maybe because it's fun and new to them. I've had former kids tell me it was one of the most memorable things about second grade.
When I was kid growing up, I never experienced outright racism; I was a quiet, studious girl who didn't cause trouble. But I always felt that underlying prejudice toward being Asian. In second grade, I tried so hard for the teacher to like me, but even at that age, I knew she didn't. She treated me differently than my white peers. I never forgot that feeling. I've had wonderful teachers in my life. They've taught me how to be as a teacher. The few who weren't taught me how not to be.
I'm not a perfect teacher by any means, but these experiences help me to remember how my actions and words affect my kids. And I hope my kids learn that from me. That you cannot judge someone by what they look like. You cannot make fun of what they eat or how they speak. Differences are okay; you don't have to like them or agree, but respect is a human necessity. Kindness is more important than being right.
As a teenager, I've experienced some racism; in high school, I got the "chingchong" talk while they slanted their eyes at me and as an adult I've been called "chink".
But this past year I experienced it as a teacher. In my twelve years of teaching, I've never felt so hurt and angry. It kicked me in the gut; I tried to shrug it off, but it kept bothering me even though I told myself it wasn't a big deal. Only when a friend asked me what was wrong (and I burst into tears) did I realize it was not ok. It's like when there is abuse; you make excuses, blame yourself, or say it's no big deal. But racism needs to be addressed. We need to speak up and say it's not okay to say racially insensitive or prejudice things.
I was so caught off guard, I couldn't even defend myself. But I've moved on. I need to move on. Instead, I write this to make it clear that I am American. I am also a Korean American. Proud of where I come from and my heritage. Even though I haven't set foot on my motherland, I know the food, language, culture, and history. God made me to have that unique makeup and experience that, as a child I questioned and even wished weren't true, but now I embrace.
Wow, I didn't mean for this post to be so emotionally heavy on race, but it just poured out. I feel a little better getting it out in the open.
On a positive note, I've read posts and stories that warm my heart; people helping those in need like kids who won't get meals from school, a country coming together in song on balconies and rooftops, and random acts of kindness. I hope we can cling to those sentiments, and not the racism.
My break is ending this week, and I'll be thrust into the new normal of online teaching and virtual communication. Wish me luck.
Wash your hands, wash the hate, and cling to those you love. 6 feet away.
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