Time flies

Wow. My last post (which I just now posted and didn't know I had drafted it) was in 2016!

I'd totally forgotten about this blog until my Pilates instructor mentioned if I had one.  So I decided to log in and 'tickle the ebonies'.

For me, writing (or in this case typing) is cathartic and helps me express my thoughts and feeling much better than speaking. I've always had a hard time expressing myself verbally.. I can't seem to get all the words out of my mouth from my head. It makes sense to me, but as soon as I speak, it's all a foreign jumble.

So I've been going through a rough time in my life. It's where you can't do or say anything to make the situation better. It is out of my control and it scares me. A lot. It takes very little to make me happy. Unfortunately that is true of the opposite; very little makes me upset. When I lost my father at 5 years old, the perpetual question in my head was Why? Why me? Why did it have to happen to me?
And still I ask God.. why? If my life started out with such heartache, shouldn't it be smoother now?

I don't have a clear cut answer. Usually when I write blog posts, I have a clean ending; a nice wrap up or encouraging statement. I have none. This sucks. This situation really sucks.
But I know I have to get through it. I have to keep fighting. Because all the trials I went through since I was 5 years old have made me stronger. Sadder maybe, and more lonely. But undeniably stronger.

What if:
If I could talk to my childhood self now, what would I say?

I would say.. I know it hurts. It's ok to cry. You don't have to hide your tears before you sleep. Being strong doesn't mean you are brittle. Let people love and help you.

My hurt was never acknowledged and I always thought I had to hide all my emotions. I still do sometimes. I realize now that whether you are 5 or 35 (in my case, 36), you'll always have something to work on. Perhaps things will get better.

I'm glad I found my way back to blogging. I might start a new layout soon.. summer?

Summer 2016

Another summer has come and gone. As I get ready for the next school year, I am preparing for my ninth year of teaching. NINTH! I could never have imagined saying that when I started out.

It seems like decades ago I was a fresh eyed (and fresh faced) newbie who didn't know much at all. I think I only survived through naivety, gracious parents, and of course, God's grace.

Still, I envy that time period because I wasn't so jaded back then.

Every year, I feel both apprehension and excitement for the school year. Apprehension because I think of all the responsibility I have as a teacher to help these kids succeed and grow. I think about all the unexpected challenges I'll have to face, the struggles, and disappointments. But I also get excited about kids making strides, connections made, life changes, comradery, school supplies (they make me happy), and just the joy of watching kids be kids.

And every year, I want to be a better teacher. How can I do that? Lately I've been struggling with that question. Have you ever felt that way? When you've done something for so long, you feel as though you haven't changed but the system has. How can I improve myself?

These doubts keep creeping up and I wonder if I'm good enough.

I'm not sure how to answer these questions but I know that I must do what I always tell my kids;

Don't give up. Keep going. Every day you can get closer to where you want to be if you strive to improve yourself.

I hope I can take my own advice and be a teacher that my students deserve. Think positive Minjoo!

Anyway, I haven't really posted many pictures in my blog, so here's a whole slew of them! It was a travel free summer, but a restful one.

Temporarily had pink hair. Wish it had lasted longer!

 Having some fun downtown.

@Snowy village

  I love blueberry picking every year.

 

Scones!